Daisy Brookes/Ekko Cosplay 

“As con season starts, let’s talk about some #accessibility etiquette.” - Deven Rue, @DevenRue

It’s not unusual to find me scrolling twitter in the middle of the night. It’s my go to when I can’t sleep and, more often than not, I can’t sleep. Last night I was doing my usual trawl of the internet when I was tagged in a thread about convention etiquette and it blew my mind.

I’ve been writing The Access Review for just over 6 months now and in all my convention reviews and think pieces, I’d never quite managed to word my feelings around how general people act at cons. I always zeroed in on the issues with how conventions are run and sort of washed over the side which involves the general public and how they act and react to other congoers with disabilities. Heavily inspired by the thread I saw last night, I wanted to talk a little about how we can better conventions with our own actions for disabled people.

Deven took to Twitter and made several very important points that I would like to unpack and go in to detail with. I’m very grateful that they have put these tweets out there for the world to see as I still very much feel talking about disability and access is a taboo, even if I have built my whole career around it. I have slightly reworded Deven’s points for this piece, however I will attach screenshots and links to their original thread for you to peruse and RT at your own will.

“Don’t touch a person’s disability aid without permission.”

“Don’t play chicken with someone’s disability aid to test if they really need it.”

“Don’t assume a disability aid is just part of a costume.”

These three points really resonated with me. As someone who has cosplayed with an aid that is both part of the costume and a legitimate support to me, it has brought to focus a number of things that regular people do without thinking. It is not okay to grab someone’s walking aid, I use my crutches to walk, they keep me stable, I’ve nearly fallen when people have just grabbed them. I’ve been left stuck and immobile because someone has run off with it as a “joke”. When I was at an event in my wheelchair, some people would just wheel me off or move me without asking. It made me feel very small and out of control. Even able bodied people can relate to how frustrating it is to be moved out of the way without your permission so please don’t do it. By doing these things you can put us in genuine danger, please think and ask before you touch. It really is a simple as that.

“Always ask if someone needs help first, don’t just assume and take charge.”

“We are not here for you to ‘save’ or ‘help’. We aren’t being ‘proud’ or ‘stubborn’ and even if we are, it’s not your job/place to correct us.”

Many a time I have had people automatically assume I need help. Just like many other people with disabilities, I am used to the things I need to do to get by. Having someone belittle that and act as if I need help or saving is very frustrating. If someone looks in emotional or physical distress ask if they need help and go from there but please don’t just assume that because someone is disabled, they are incapable.

We will ask for help if we need it.

“We are not less intelligent or mature than able bodied people. Do not talk to us like we are children.”

“Don’t talk to the person/s we are with as if we’re not right there or able to speak for ourselves.”

Another incredibly irritating thing is when people speak for us. I am my own person and I can assure you every disabled person you know has felt this. It is incredibly rude to assume that disability = lack of intelligence or maturity and it furthers a stereotype that disabled people are unable to survive without help. Talking down to me like I am an a child because I am in a wheelchair or only conversing with the person with me as you give me the side eye is not okay. Talk to disabled people like you would anyone else.

“Don’t be an ‘over sympathiser’. We aren’t tragic. Many of us don’t see our disabilities the same as you do.”

“Don’t pretend to be blind to disability. We deal with our disability every day and are aware of how obvious it is/isn’t.”

“Don’t change your behaviour based on our disabilities. Making it harder because you think that’ll teach us to be stronger isn’t okay.”

These points all stem from the same issue. How able bodied people view and treat disability is not how it is or how we see our own disabilities. Many people who are disabled have learnt from their disabilities over many years and have come to terms with them.

The media hounds disabled people to be “inspirational” as if our lives are some impossible tragedy but most of us don’t see it that way, we are just living any way we can and being heralded like this separates us from normality. It’s also what fuels the opposite swing where people try to ignore the disabilities all together. Pretending you don’t see doesn’t help either though, it’s okay to see and notice I am disabled, because I am. Claiming I’m like every other person is a lie and it honestly helps no one to further this kind of narrative.

“Disability is not ‘all or nothing’. There are various degrees of disability. Nobody has to prove their disability to you. We are not pretending or looking for sympathy.”

This remains the biggest issue in my opinion because it isn’t just limited to conventions. Disabled people are questioned and interrogated everywhere they go and have to argue their rights with complete strangers. I’ve talked about it many a time in other pieces but it goes without saying that disabled people don’t owe you anything. We don’t owe you a specific look, we don’t owe you our medical history, we don’t owe you an explanation. Arguing with someone based on a limited and often uneducated view causes so much personal distress to disabled people on a near daily basis. It pushes a stereotype and an global issue that has disabled people put down and belittled. We are just people living our lives and to have to go over with every stranger is exhausting and depressing. We deserve to be believed.

I reached out to Deven and they wrote a final little piece to sum up their points:

“The tools disabled people use to navigate the world are an extension of our senses. To grab my cane, is to blind me further. To grab someone’s wheelchair, is to bind their mobility further. But more so, it is to take away our independence and freedom so *you* feel better. Most of us understand you are coming from a place of good intentions but imagine some stranger shoving you in to a space you weren’t intending to go. How angry would you be that someone touched you without permission? Why would it be any different for us?”

Once again I would like to thank Deven for bringing these points to Twitter and letting me expand on them a little for this piece. Like they said above, I understand that so often these things come from a place of good heart but I urge you to please listen to the disabled people in your life when they tell you how you what does and doesn’t work in the real world. We all just want it to be a little easier and a lot less frustrating and with a little effort I hope that conventions can become a safer and more comfortable experience for disabled people. That’s all I’ve ever wanted and I will continue to write and review about them because if it helps even one person feel safer or better, it will have been worth it.

If you would like to read Deven’s twitter thread in full you can find it here.